Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Shocking Pictures!
Raised Nailheads
Shingles Needing Replacement
Wind damage of Shingles
Failed Chimney Flashing
Clogged Gutters
A Leaky roof leading to ceiling stains
Water starting to rot the fascia and plywood
Guess the Roofing Problem?
1. Dark, “dirty-looking” areas on roof - Possible causes: environmental pollutants; vegetation, fungus or algae; loss of granules due to shingle age.
2. Missing, cracked or curling shingles - Possible cause: shingles being at the end of their useful life.
3. Leakage in attic after driving rain - Possible cause: leaky or inadequate shingle underlayment or deteriorated flashing.
4. Roof shingle, sheathing and siding decay - Possible cause: poor attic ventilation.
5. Blistering/peeling of outside paint - Possible cause: excessive temperature or high humidity due to poor attic ventilation.
6. Stains on interior ceilings/walls or mold and mildew growth - Possible cause: inadequate or faulty shingle underlayment allowing leakage or inadequate ventilation.
7. Excessive energy costs - Possible cause: insufficient attic ventilation allowing heating/cooling system to run excessively.
Reshingle Your Roof With Steak-umms!
Everyone knows that Steak-umms are delicious. BUT did you also know that they are DURABLE and SHINGLE-SHAPED!!! Well… they are! So c’mon! Let’s make your neighbors jealous and hungry with a KICK-ASS, durable Steak-umms roof!!
1. Preliminary Step: Understanding the Name
Learning the origins of Steak-umms is important and respectful. Steak-umms were named after a brief conversation between their inventor and the first person who tried them:
Steak-umms Inventor: “Are you getting any steak flavors?”
Food Tester: “Steak? Um…. no, I’m getting cardboard and licorice. No, wait, just cardboard. And nausea, a lot of nausea.”
2. Acquire Steak-umms
Now that you’re knowledgeable, get yourself some Steak-umms! You probably have some in the back of your freezer from the 80’s, but you will need at least 2 to 3 more boxes depending on your roof size. Re-up at the frozen foods section of a Citgo or at an Odd-Lots/Big-Lots.
3. Adopt a Surly Attitude
Steak-umms are more of a LIFESTYLE than a food, so make sure you get into the right mindset before you start cooking. If you have kids, change into sweat pants and start yelling at them. If you have pets, use your family room carpet and furniture to potty train them. You get the idea! Be creative and figure out what gets you in the mood!
4. Cook the Steak-umms
Ignore the directions on the box and just drop the Steak-umms into your toaster like a Pop-Tart. Steak-umms smoke is wicked poisonous and thick, so watch your ass.
If you have a rat tail or mullet-type haircut, bring your tail around front under your nose and and breathe through it as an air filter. If it won’t stay put, anchor it to your crustache with duct tape.
5. Put Them On Your Roof
While they are still hot, carry the Steak-umms to your roof on your finest serving platter (good) or in an over-sized fanny pack (better). A thinly spread layer of Cheez Whiz or Marshmallow Fluff will act as an excellent adhesive and a tasty snack while you’re working.
6. Defend Your Steak-umms Roof from Jackals
SantaPeople will definitely try to eat your Steak-umms roof, so keep a close watch on ‘er. Be especially mindful/distrustful of Santa as he is a chubby roof-dweller.
Did we miss anything? Have a favorite Steak- umms home improvement project? Let us know!
Top 10 Most Common Home Defects
Check out this SlideShare Presentation:
Commondefects
View more presentations from guest03fa15.
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